Doubts and Hopes
Pressure. I feel like I've been under a lot of pressure with one semester to go for my post-bac. I've recently started a new clinical research job that requires 20 hours per week of my time, not including my commute. I still have my three premed classes and my volunteer work. I'm also studying for the MCATs on my own - no regular MCAT class will fit into my crazy work/class schedule and I feel like I can study on my own anyway.
Sometimes I wonder if this is all worth it. Is it worth not having any free time at all for the next 5 months until I finish my requirements and take the MCAT? Is it worth spending another 4 years in school, and who knows how many more as a resident? Will I eventually just go back to business anyway? As Lawrence and I were watching the Godfather yesterday, I felt the weight of it all just crushing me. Part of me feels like I'm burning out.
But then I thought about how I have only 5 months to go with this hectic lifestyle. If I can make it through, I'll have a year to just work, and (crossing my fingers of an acceptance) upon entering med school, I'll have nothing to do but study- no job, no resume building. And really, I'm loving the clinical aspect of my new job. I love seeing patients, and am so much happier doing this than I ever was playing with excel spreadsheets. I've sort of found the light at the end of a long tunnel, remembering why it is I've decided to do this. With all the stress and pressure in the coming months, I just hope I can pull it off.
Sometimes I wonder if this is all worth it. Is it worth not having any free time at all for the next 5 months until I finish my requirements and take the MCAT? Is it worth spending another 4 years in school, and who knows how many more as a resident? Will I eventually just go back to business anyway? As Lawrence and I were watching the Godfather yesterday, I felt the weight of it all just crushing me. Part of me feels like I'm burning out.
But then I thought about how I have only 5 months to go with this hectic lifestyle. If I can make it through, I'll have a year to just work, and (crossing my fingers of an acceptance) upon entering med school, I'll have nothing to do but study- no job, no resume building. And really, I'm loving the clinical aspect of my new job. I love seeing patients, and am so much happier doing this than I ever was playing with excel spreadsheets. I've sort of found the light at the end of a long tunnel, remembering why it is I've decided to do this. With all the stress and pressure in the coming months, I just hope I can pull it off.
posted by Christina at 10:26 AM
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